I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
