I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
