Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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