You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
