Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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