yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
