I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
