We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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