we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
What a dumb baby whore.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
