Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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