The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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