Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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