I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
