I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
