The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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