then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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