there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
