Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
