I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
