feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
