what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
