a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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