Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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