Whod you bang
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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