Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
