Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Let's paint friendship bongs
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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