so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
