I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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