She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
