I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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