the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We're too hungover to prance.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
