I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
