hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
