found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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