god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
this is an emotional support booty call
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
