Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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