can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
