my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
