you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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