my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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