Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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