Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
your room smells of hookers.
And success
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
