apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
