Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
