I hate your face
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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