You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
