The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
