Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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