matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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