is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Can you bring me the toilet please
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
