You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
