i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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